The VMAs were great this year. That is, great compared to last year when I tuned in to the wrong program. Let me tell you right now, the Video Music Awards show is much more enjoyable than one called Virgin Man Anus. That’s the last time I ever watch HBO after midnight.
But, I digress…and I should point out that the real VMAs weren’t COMPLETELY terrible. I enjoyed Chelsea Handler’s hosting. I’ve always thought an “in-your-nuts, I don’t give a flying hoot” attitude is refreshing to see from a female comedian, and there’s just something about her that makes me go vroom vroom (she’s a cougar, I tell ya).
Me-ow!
Now that I have weirded out the internet, allow me to rattle off some more highlights from Hollywood’s 3rd best award show:
-I was preparing to shove hot skewers into my eyeballs from J.Bieb’s performance when he hit a snag, flinging his drumstick into the crowd (avg. age 11). Baby, baby, baby! Let that girl develop forearm muscles before you let her go crazy on a drumset!
-My imagination went CrAzY when I saw Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry presenting Best Male Video (imagine Perry’s magumbos with Minaj’s buzunga…now stop drooling). It was a nice moment until they spoke
-Seeing half of the Jersey Shore cast in a hot tub on stage was great because, well, when ISN’T it nice to see those little macaronis? A’capisce?
Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi
Before I continue, let me make it clear that I only tuned in to the VMA’s to see Deadmau5 do his thing. Unfortunately, being house DJ at a goofy awards show means that you have to cram your “thing” into the 20 second slot before and after commercials. Rats. I had no choice but to watch most of the show, but all in all it was worth it. Hearing the Mau5man’s funkadelic b34t5 made me forget about all the dumb scripted segues and shoddy performances. He dropped Ghosts ’n’ Stuff (duhhhh) and brought the hau5 down with performances feat. Jason Derulo (Jason DeWHOlo?), Travie McCoy (Travie McWHO?), and P!nk understudy Robyn (oh right, her). IMHO, Robmau5 was the best collab, pairing the sweet, sultry croons of Robyn whats-her-face with a nasty dub5teppy drop from everyone’s favorite rodent. Here's a clip (sorry about the advert):
Everyone pretty much got what they expected out of this year's VMAs: two hours of poopy sprinkled with a few specks of gold. We can only hope that the uneducated masses were paying attention when Deadmau5 was bumping.
Probably not.
Oh well, at least we tried.
Over one billion served,
McCharlie
